Suicide is the third leading cause of death among young people, resulting in about 4,400 deaths per year, according to the CDC. For every suicide among young people, there are at least 100 attempts. Over 14 percent of high school students have considered suicide, and almost 7 percent have attempted it. Bullying victims are anywhere from 2 to 9 times more likely to consider suicide than non-victims, according to studies by Yale University. A study in Britain found that at least half of suicides among young people are related to bullying. 10 to 14 year old girls may be at even higher risk of suicide. According to a study done by ABC News, nearly 30 percent of students are either bullies or victims of bullying, and 160,000 students stay home every day from school because of a fear of being bullied.
So there you have it. I wanted to start this blog out with some statistics about bullying and suicide to paint a picture of what this message is going to be. No, not all teens and young adults commit suicide because of bullying, but a very large percentage of them do.
Just in the short time I have researched bullying and teen suicide, I have began to continually ask myself one question that I cannot seem to answer. "How in the hell do we allow this to happen in our society?" How do we as parents, teachers, administrators, and other adults connected to these children, allow this to happen? Many of us are people who have witnessed bullying in our younger years, and yet we don't ensure our children treat others with respect?
My oldest daughter is that person who is like I was when I was younger. She is friendly to everyone, and when she knows someone is hurting or having a difficult time for any reason, she steps in and lends an ear and her support. When you get right down to it, there is no reason that most of the suicides resulting from bullying should have ever occur.
There was a story within the past 10 years of a boy with Asperger's who was consistently bullied at school. His parents created a very safe environment for him at home, and when he came home and talked about the bullying that was occurring to him, his parents continually reported it to school officials who essentially said that they had done everything they could and that, "Boys will be boys". Well, one horrible morning that boy woke up, changed into his favorite outfit, wrapped a belt around his neck, and hung himself in his own closet. His father walked in and found him...to late to save his life. His parents have dedicated their lives to making positive change regarding bullying in schools.
If that wasn't bad enough, some of the bullies at that boy's school apparently wore nooses around their necks to school following the hanging suicide of the boy with Asperger's, and the school did nothing about it.
Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that there are great parents, great teachers, and great administrators out there doing their best to fight the bullying that is occurring in schools around the globe, but why in the hell isn't everyone doing something about this?
Many studies have been done over decades that clearly show children are born into this world with no racist views, no hatred, no bullying tendencies. Children learn these traits from others. The others consist of their fellow students, their parents, and other bad influences in their lives. Bullies don't create themselves. They are created because they aren't raised with the proper values, and then their actions, if not put in check and punished by parents and the school systems they exist within, get worse and worse.
In today's world, it becomes even worse, because bullies don't just exist face-to-face. They exist on the internet, and in many cases, the internet bullying is far worse and much darker, because teen bullies think that words aren't going to kill someone. The fact of the matter is that words will definitely kill someone if you break them down enough. Teens already have a difficult time growing up and adjusting because of puberty and the hormonal changes they go through during Junior High and High School. Adding bullying to the mix causes teens who have little to no self esteem to dive into deep depression, and in many cases, consider suicide. They often consider suicide for multiple reasons; they feel they have no worth in life, they want to end the mental and in some cases physical pain they are going through, etc.
I want to tell my story and share with you all a poem that I wrote as a teenager. As I said earlier, I was that guy who was kind to everyone; even those who weren't kind in return. I felt that everyone was important and everyone should be given a chance. I, unfortunately, went through a lot of bullying myself growing up. I came from a small town of 1,000 people, and we moved to a larger community at the end of my 5th grade year. I went through the last month of 5th grade as the new kid, wasn't accepted, and made no friends.
Then came 6th grade, where after a long Summer break, I was once again the new kid. I went through bullying up until probably the beginning of my Junior Year in High School. At one point, I was very much in a black hole of emotions. I felt that I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling, and I considered on many occasions the thought of suicide. What I had as an escape from reality were two things; books and creative writing. I loved to read because reading took me away from reality and put me into a better place where my imagination could make me forget about the real world for a while. And when I wasn't reading, I was writing; pouring my feelings out on paper. I don't have many of the things that I wrote back then, but I do remember some of them by heart. I wrote a poem when I was 16 that I have never forgotten, because the words have stuck with me as a reminder of where I was at that time to this day. I am almost 42 years old, and I still remember the pain as if I went through it yesterday. What that pain does for me today, however, is provide me a reminder to ensure my children treat others with the respect they deserve, because no one deserves what I went through, and what so many others went through and are going through on a daily basis. Now I want to share with you the poem I have referred to. I wrote it when I was 16, in a very dark place, and on the verge of suicide.
LIFE - By Stephen Dunkel
As I venture through the many forests of my life
I make many decisions that are leading me to my death.
The cross between bitterness and strife
is tearing the sharpness and boldness of my breath
out of me in a final pain stricken blow.
The forests are dense and overpowering in my life,
and sharp, thick leaves are cutting at my throat.
As the forest ends that turns to the sea
I struggle now to merely stay my head afloat.
As I sink into the sea of Death my feet can feel no earth beneath,
and I tumble into an endless Hell in which I receive all that the Devil has beseeched.
THE END
So there it is. There are the unbridled emotions of a 16 year old who feels that life is drowning him and that his own worth is non-existent. I was able to pull myself out of the darkness because I changed my outlook on life. I had a head on my shoulders and decided to use it for good. I had a core of 2 great friends who were always there for me, and I concentrated on them. I came to the realization that High School was just the beginning of life, and that life after High School would be different.
At the start of my Junior Year in High School, I was a different person. I was confident, happy, and I had a vision for the future I wasn't able to have while drowning in the bullying that had occurred to me in previous years. I found that humor was a great way to fight back, and I did just that. I defended myself against bullies by using words that explained to them that bullying me wasn't going to work; it wasn't going to break me down anymore. I also defended myself physically. I had taken martial arts classes for some time, and my Junior Year I decided on more than one occasion to stand up to my bullies physically.
The thing I learned the most about bullies as I went through life is that in many cases they bully others because they have so many insecurities of their own. Bullying helps them to lift up their self-worth in a negative way. Often when a bully is faced with confrontation; someone who stands up to them and who decides not to take it anymore, the bully stops because they aren't prepared for that.
So starting my Junior Year I began to stand up for myself and for others who were getting bullied. I found that I was a much stronger person than I once thought, and as time went on, I was no longer bullied. The problem is that so many teens who have found themselves in that same darkness I found myself in just don't have the strength to fight their way out. They don't have the strength, they don't have great friends who are there for them, and they don't have the parental support or the support of anyone at the school. They look at their situations and decide that death is far less painful than going through the same horror they have went through every day of their lives with bullies; and the choice to commit suicide becomes easy for them.
Where have we come as a nation when we have a bullying problem that seems to get worse all the time? Where have we come as a nation when we seem to allow these things to happen in some places and don't do anything about it? 'Boys will be boys.' That is an unacceptable response from any school official, and yet we still see that happen.
Children are taking their own lives because they are senselessly bullied on a consistent basis, and no one steps in to stop it. Every parent, every teacher, and every administrator needs to stand up and stop this horror of suicide by being involved in the solution. Those who are bullied need a safety net. Those who are doing the bullying need to be held accountable but also probably need counseling to deal with their own issues. People need to step in and make a difference, and stop the 'Boys will be Boys' approach so many schools take.
Parents, sit with your children and talk to them about the worth of human life; talk with them about how everyone is important and everyone should be treated with respect. In addition to that we all need to understand and look for the warning signs that a teen is considering suicide. In most cases of suicide, the individual exhibited warning signs that others downplayed or ignored, thinking things weren't as bad as they really were. Look for the following things:
1. Showing signs of depression, like ongoing sadness, withdrawal from others, losing interest in their favorite activities, or trouble sleeping or eating.
2. Talking about or showing interest in death or dying.
3. Engaging in dangerous or harmful activities, including reckless behavior, substance abuse, or self injury.
4. Giving away favorite possessions and saying goodbye to people.
5. Making comments that things would be better without them.
In many cases when signs aren't as obvious as above, a major bullying event could have triggered the suicide. In the case of the boy with Asberger's I talked about earlier, the bullies had told him he should kill himself. That is one of the things that probably pushed him over that ledge and caused him to follow through with the suicide. If I was one of those bullies today, I would have a very hard time living with myself, but when you see that some of them wore nooses to school after the boy's death, it seems the bullies didn't care he killed himself. That is far more concerning to me than simple bullying. That is a lack of humanity in the hearts and minds of today's youth.
As parents and adults in the lives of these children, we need to take any comments about suicide very seriously. It isn't our job to tell the children that they are wrong, but instead get them medical help immediately. Be involved with your children, ensure you have access to their social media accounts and private message accounts, actively talk with them and keep an open line of communication, instill values in your children to respect others as they want to be respected, etc.
There is so much we need to do, and if we all started doing it the numbers of children committing suicide would drastically drop. If you are an adult reading this, please be involved. If you are a teen reading this, understand the weight that bullying can have on someone. Be a part of the solution and not the problem. Put yourself out there for those students who are bullied and show them that they are important to you. If you are being bullied right now, talk to someone immediately about it. Open up to a friend, to your counselor, to your parents, and others about what you are going through and know that there are people out there who will help you through what you are going through.
Life is precious...let's ensure everyone treats it that way.
DUNK
So there you have it. I wanted to start this blog out with some statistics about bullying and suicide to paint a picture of what this message is going to be. No, not all teens and young adults commit suicide because of bullying, but a very large percentage of them do.
Just in the short time I have researched bullying and teen suicide, I have began to continually ask myself one question that I cannot seem to answer. "How in the hell do we allow this to happen in our society?" How do we as parents, teachers, administrators, and other adults connected to these children, allow this to happen? Many of us are people who have witnessed bullying in our younger years, and yet we don't ensure our children treat others with respect?
My oldest daughter is that person who is like I was when I was younger. She is friendly to everyone, and when she knows someone is hurting or having a difficult time for any reason, she steps in and lends an ear and her support. When you get right down to it, there is no reason that most of the suicides resulting from bullying should have ever occur.
There was a story within the past 10 years of a boy with Asperger's who was consistently bullied at school. His parents created a very safe environment for him at home, and when he came home and talked about the bullying that was occurring to him, his parents continually reported it to school officials who essentially said that they had done everything they could and that, "Boys will be boys". Well, one horrible morning that boy woke up, changed into his favorite outfit, wrapped a belt around his neck, and hung himself in his own closet. His father walked in and found him...to late to save his life. His parents have dedicated their lives to making positive change regarding bullying in schools.
If that wasn't bad enough, some of the bullies at that boy's school apparently wore nooses around their necks to school following the hanging suicide of the boy with Asperger's, and the school did nothing about it.
Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that there are great parents, great teachers, and great administrators out there doing their best to fight the bullying that is occurring in schools around the globe, but why in the hell isn't everyone doing something about this?
Many studies have been done over decades that clearly show children are born into this world with no racist views, no hatred, no bullying tendencies. Children learn these traits from others. The others consist of their fellow students, their parents, and other bad influences in their lives. Bullies don't create themselves. They are created because they aren't raised with the proper values, and then their actions, if not put in check and punished by parents and the school systems they exist within, get worse and worse.
In today's world, it becomes even worse, because bullies don't just exist face-to-face. They exist on the internet, and in many cases, the internet bullying is far worse and much darker, because teen bullies think that words aren't going to kill someone. The fact of the matter is that words will definitely kill someone if you break them down enough. Teens already have a difficult time growing up and adjusting because of puberty and the hormonal changes they go through during Junior High and High School. Adding bullying to the mix causes teens who have little to no self esteem to dive into deep depression, and in many cases, consider suicide. They often consider suicide for multiple reasons; they feel they have no worth in life, they want to end the mental and in some cases physical pain they are going through, etc.
I want to tell my story and share with you all a poem that I wrote as a teenager. As I said earlier, I was that guy who was kind to everyone; even those who weren't kind in return. I felt that everyone was important and everyone should be given a chance. I, unfortunately, went through a lot of bullying myself growing up. I came from a small town of 1,000 people, and we moved to a larger community at the end of my 5th grade year. I went through the last month of 5th grade as the new kid, wasn't accepted, and made no friends.
Then came 6th grade, where after a long Summer break, I was once again the new kid. I went through bullying up until probably the beginning of my Junior Year in High School. At one point, I was very much in a black hole of emotions. I felt that I had no one to talk to about what I was feeling, and I considered on many occasions the thought of suicide. What I had as an escape from reality were two things; books and creative writing. I loved to read because reading took me away from reality and put me into a better place where my imagination could make me forget about the real world for a while. And when I wasn't reading, I was writing; pouring my feelings out on paper. I don't have many of the things that I wrote back then, but I do remember some of them by heart. I wrote a poem when I was 16 that I have never forgotten, because the words have stuck with me as a reminder of where I was at that time to this day. I am almost 42 years old, and I still remember the pain as if I went through it yesterday. What that pain does for me today, however, is provide me a reminder to ensure my children treat others with the respect they deserve, because no one deserves what I went through, and what so many others went through and are going through on a daily basis. Now I want to share with you the poem I have referred to. I wrote it when I was 16, in a very dark place, and on the verge of suicide.
LIFE - By Stephen Dunkel
As I venture through the many forests of my life
I make many decisions that are leading me to my death.
The cross between bitterness and strife
is tearing the sharpness and boldness of my breath
out of me in a final pain stricken blow.
The forests are dense and overpowering in my life,
and sharp, thick leaves are cutting at my throat.
As the forest ends that turns to the sea
I struggle now to merely stay my head afloat.
As I sink into the sea of Death my feet can feel no earth beneath,
and I tumble into an endless Hell in which I receive all that the Devil has beseeched.
THE END
So there it is. There are the unbridled emotions of a 16 year old who feels that life is drowning him and that his own worth is non-existent. I was able to pull myself out of the darkness because I changed my outlook on life. I had a head on my shoulders and decided to use it for good. I had a core of 2 great friends who were always there for me, and I concentrated on them. I came to the realization that High School was just the beginning of life, and that life after High School would be different.
At the start of my Junior Year in High School, I was a different person. I was confident, happy, and I had a vision for the future I wasn't able to have while drowning in the bullying that had occurred to me in previous years. I found that humor was a great way to fight back, and I did just that. I defended myself against bullies by using words that explained to them that bullying me wasn't going to work; it wasn't going to break me down anymore. I also defended myself physically. I had taken martial arts classes for some time, and my Junior Year I decided on more than one occasion to stand up to my bullies physically.
The thing I learned the most about bullies as I went through life is that in many cases they bully others because they have so many insecurities of their own. Bullying helps them to lift up their self-worth in a negative way. Often when a bully is faced with confrontation; someone who stands up to them and who decides not to take it anymore, the bully stops because they aren't prepared for that.
So starting my Junior Year I began to stand up for myself and for others who were getting bullied. I found that I was a much stronger person than I once thought, and as time went on, I was no longer bullied. The problem is that so many teens who have found themselves in that same darkness I found myself in just don't have the strength to fight their way out. They don't have the strength, they don't have great friends who are there for them, and they don't have the parental support or the support of anyone at the school. They look at their situations and decide that death is far less painful than going through the same horror they have went through every day of their lives with bullies; and the choice to commit suicide becomes easy for them.
Where have we come as a nation when we have a bullying problem that seems to get worse all the time? Where have we come as a nation when we seem to allow these things to happen in some places and don't do anything about it? 'Boys will be boys.' That is an unacceptable response from any school official, and yet we still see that happen.
Children are taking their own lives because they are senselessly bullied on a consistent basis, and no one steps in to stop it. Every parent, every teacher, and every administrator needs to stand up and stop this horror of suicide by being involved in the solution. Those who are bullied need a safety net. Those who are doing the bullying need to be held accountable but also probably need counseling to deal with their own issues. People need to step in and make a difference, and stop the 'Boys will be Boys' approach so many schools take.
Parents, sit with your children and talk to them about the worth of human life; talk with them about how everyone is important and everyone should be treated with respect. In addition to that we all need to understand and look for the warning signs that a teen is considering suicide. In most cases of suicide, the individual exhibited warning signs that others downplayed or ignored, thinking things weren't as bad as they really were. Look for the following things:
1. Showing signs of depression, like ongoing sadness, withdrawal from others, losing interest in their favorite activities, or trouble sleeping or eating.
2. Talking about or showing interest in death or dying.
3. Engaging in dangerous or harmful activities, including reckless behavior, substance abuse, or self injury.
4. Giving away favorite possessions and saying goodbye to people.
5. Making comments that things would be better without them.
In many cases when signs aren't as obvious as above, a major bullying event could have triggered the suicide. In the case of the boy with Asberger's I talked about earlier, the bullies had told him he should kill himself. That is one of the things that probably pushed him over that ledge and caused him to follow through with the suicide. If I was one of those bullies today, I would have a very hard time living with myself, but when you see that some of them wore nooses to school after the boy's death, it seems the bullies didn't care he killed himself. That is far more concerning to me than simple bullying. That is a lack of humanity in the hearts and minds of today's youth.
As parents and adults in the lives of these children, we need to take any comments about suicide very seriously. It isn't our job to tell the children that they are wrong, but instead get them medical help immediately. Be involved with your children, ensure you have access to their social media accounts and private message accounts, actively talk with them and keep an open line of communication, instill values in your children to respect others as they want to be respected, etc.
There is so much we need to do, and if we all started doing it the numbers of children committing suicide would drastically drop. If you are an adult reading this, please be involved. If you are a teen reading this, understand the weight that bullying can have on someone. Be a part of the solution and not the problem. Put yourself out there for those students who are bullied and show them that they are important to you. If you are being bullied right now, talk to someone immediately about it. Open up to a friend, to your counselor, to your parents, and others about what you are going through and know that there are people out there who will help you through what you are going through.
Life is precious...let's ensure everyone treats it that way.
DUNK
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